Hey E-Cousins,
It always bothered me when people told me to fall in love with the process, because that takes patience. And who has time for that?
I only recently stumbled into how this sort of gravity-defying magic works, in a way that feels honest and practical.
As I fought for the words to write this, I realized the propaganda of “trusting the process” and “enjoying the process” is embedded in so many facets of life.
They say it to parents:
“Enjoy every moment. The time goes by so fast.”
They say it to people on long, windy career paths:
“Fall in love with the process.”
They say it to the heartbroken:
“Everything happens for a reason. You find the one when you least expect it.”
They say it to people building an audience online, literally:
“Fall in love with the process, not the outcome.”
Writing all of those down gave me chills, and not the good kind.
There’s nothing more annoying than hearing someone tell you to enjoy something that feels a smidge insufferable. But there is a method to this madness.
Live from enjoying the process
Here’s the short of the long:
Happier people and higher-performing people focus on what they can control and find ways to infuse more joy into the mundane act of striving. This mentality helps them be more process rather than outcome oriented.
Unhappier and lower-performing people obsess over what they can’t control, ruminate on the past, and don’t enjoy the mundane and mini wins baked into their process. This mentality makes them outcome-obsessed and miserable.
What does it look like to be process oriented?
I’ve had the great pleasure of meeting so many of you over the past weeks, months, and years. Everyone’s working to be more process-focused in different ways.
Some of you are navigating the process of codependent recovery.
Others are in the process of mustering the courage to be seen online.
Some of you are leaning deeper into relationship repair after rupture.
Others are overcoming under-earning and the habit of outsourcing your power to people and jobs.
Know that whatever process you’re learning to savor and endure, you’re not alone in that.
As a recovering codependent who’s worked on letting go, it wasn’t until I reached a mini breaking point in my online career that I learned to be more process oriented by necessity.
Having a false sense of control over outcomes was incredibly stressful and hindered my performance.
I’m now at a point where the process is starting to feel like its own reward.
And the coolest part?
The results are coming quicker than ever as I focus on what matters most.
Process-Oriented Mental Models
1. Patience is built on trust.
Enjoying the process starts with patience, and patience is built on trust.
Trust that you can handle what comes your way, even when things deviate from the plan. Trust that you have access to resources and support in unexpected areas you’d never considered. Trust that your job is to take the next best step—not to know the next 25 with perfect certainty. Trust that action paired with reflection creates the information you need to move forward.
Grounding Question:
Where do I get to extend more trust to myself or the process right now?
2. Top performers obsess over the process, not the performance.
They aren’t fixated on individual deals or posts. They care about building systems that yield consistent returns.
My early creator self was outcome-obsessed.
My current self cares more about the swings than the home runs.
I study what makes my process more sound: posture, mindset, timing, rhythm.
Grounding Question:
What consistent swing can I take this week regardless of how it lands? And what do I learn from those swings to increase my batting average?
3. Process Goals > Outcome Goals
Process goals are where mastery lives.
Outcome goals rely on results you can’t fully control.
Process goals ask: Who are you becoming, how are you showing up? Outcome goals ask: What do you want to get?
For the Marketer:
Outcome Goal: Grow my email list to 10,000 subscribers
Process Goal: Publish 1–2 value-rich newsletters each week, share them across other social channels, and invite meaningful engagement
Outcome Goal: Go viral on Instagram
Process Goal: Post 1 high-quality, on-brand piece of content daily with no attachment to reach—focus on resonance and reps
Outcome Goal: Land 5 new clients this month
Process Goal: Reach out to 3 aligned prospects daily with warmth, clarity, and zero neediness in the follow-up
For Finding Love:
Outcome Goal: Be in a healthy relationship by year’s end
Process Goal: Practice emotional availability and clear communication in every date and connection
Outcome Goal: Find “the one”
Process Goal: Say no quickly to people who don’t meet your values, so your yes stays powerful
Outcome Goal: Stop attracting emotionally unavailable partners
Process Goal: Notice and honor red flags within the first 3 interactions, even when attraction is high
For Pursuing Emotional Sobriety:
Outcome Goal: Stop spiraling when I feel rejected
Process Goal: Journal and name my triggered story within 10 minutes of activation
Outcome Goal: Never feel codependent again
Process Goal: Pause before reacting when triggered. Ask, “What do I need here before I respond?”
Outcome Goal: Be fully healed from past relationship wounds
Process Goal: Attend one support group, coaching session, or reflective practice weekly to build capacity
Grounding Question:
What’s one process goal I can commit to in an area where I’ve been obsessing over outcomes?
4. Identity rooted in action creates emotional freedom.
When your identity is tied to things you control (like your inputs), rejection doesn’t sting as much.
A “no” becomes a data point, not a personal verdict.
You begin to relate to disappointment with curiosity, not shame.
Your self-worth isn’t dangling on the approval of people or platforms.
You trust that with proper iteration and time, your process will yield desirable outcomes.
Grounding Question:
Where have I been letting outcomes define me more than my effort?
🎧 This Week’s Podcast
Episode: “Why Am I Like This?”
In this episode, we explore the anxious and avoidant attachment loop and how it shows up in dating.
In my experience, understanding attachment can fundamentally elevate how you relate not only in your romantic relationships but also in your work, creativity, and any place where control and connection intersect.
Listen wherever you get your podcasts.
Quick reminder
If you’re a heart-led visionary in a season of elevation—breaking old patterns and creating more flow and alignment in your work & relationships, feel free to book an exploratory chat to learn more about my coaching Program, Final Notice™. This powerful experience was designed for you, and it’s been special for folks involved.
Talk soon,
Have an epic start to your week! Feel free to share.
-Travis